Once there was a fierce contest between two headmasters from neighbouring villages in Burdwan district. It was also a contest between the villages themselves, for each claimed that its head master was the most learned. The contest took place in a field between the two villages.

One of the headmasters was a just and learned man, the other was a cunning fellow and a master of deceit. It was the latter who first addressed the gathering. “Ladies and gentlemen, being the underdog in this contest I humbly request you to permit me to ask my opponent the first question.”

“Certainly,” said the crowd. “A man of your humility should undoubtedly ask the first question.”

“Could you tell me the meaning of ámi jáni ná?”⁽¹⁾ the cunning headmaster asked his opponent.

“I don’t know,” replied the learned headmaster.

The cunning headmaster cast a triumphant glance around the audience. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he declared, “I asked him a simple question to which he replied, ‘I don’t know’. Just see how ignorant he is.”

“True! True!” shouted his followers, throwing their umbrellas in the air and dancing stick-dances in joyful abandon. The junior village police officer was so elated that he offered to buy everyone sweets.

The cunning headmaster then said, “Let me give him another chance.”

“Certainly! Certainly!” shouted the crowd.

“Sir, what is required to make viváha?”⁽²⁾ asked the cunning headmaster.

“It’s quite simple really,” replied the learned headmaster, “ghaiṋ is required. That is, prefix vi plus vaha plus ghaiṋ is equal to viváha.”

The cunning headmaster glowed with delight. He peered at the crowd and said, “Distinguished ladies and gentlemen, you are experts in the ways of the world – I am a mere child compared to you. Have you ever heard of anything called ghaiṋ being required in a marriage ceremony?”

“No, no, of course not,” shouted his delighted followers. “We’ve never heard of such a strange thing.”

“Let me tell you what is required in a marriage ceremony. Let’s see… a priest, a holy stone, sacred fire, new clothes, towels, baskets, and so on, but nothing like a ghaiṋ. My fourteen [[times]] two – that’s, er, that’s fifty-two – generations [[of ancestors]] have never heard of this peculiar ghaiṋ thing.”

The crowd burst into applause. “Well said! Well said!” they shouted. “You are the most learned headmaster. Congratulations. You’ve won the contest.”

Footnotes

(1) Ámi jáni ná means “I don’t know” in Bengali. –Trans.

(2) Viváha is the Sanskrit word for marriage. –Trans.