This story took place very long ago. I was extremely young then, about four or five years old. I had a Shiva linga, though I did not understand anything else about spirituality or rituals. Every morning at dawn I used to worship the deity with mantras of my own fancy, bathe it, and stand it up on a brass plate from Puri with a wavy raised rim. If the linga did not fall over I would understand that my worship had been accepted. Then I was free to have breakfast or to do anything else.

In those days ordinary people had a rather excessive amount of devotion towards sannyásiis and holy men. A group of sannyásiis would light a fire and sit around it in one of the neighbourhood’s slightly elevated vacant areas. Countless devotees would encircle them singing devotional songs and kiirtana. I used to see this scene all the time.

Stories of Lord Shiva’s white radiance, his magnanimity and detachment had attracted my mind a good deal. But I did not at all like these sannyásiis’ greed for all kinds of delicacies, nor their marijuana pipes and tweezers.⁽¹⁾ And so I would harass them by throwing stones from afar or stealing their sumptuous food and fleeing.

Suddenly one day I dreamt that I was in the midst of a terrible storm. The storm seemed to be whisking me away. Having flown some distance I fell down upon a huge sandbank along the River Gauṋgá. My eyes and mouth got filled with sand. After a little while, I opened my eyes with great difficulty and saw standing before me a trident-bearing [i.e., Shaeva] sannyásii. Looking at me, the sannyásii uttered a mantra and said, “My boy, you repeat the mantra too.”

I shouted, “No!”

The sannyásii spoke again with a sweet, affectionate voice, “Repeat it, my boy, it’ll do you good.”

I said, “No way, I won’t say it!”

Lifting his trident the sannyásii said, “Speak! You must repeat it.”

“No way, I won’t say it!” I repeated.

Again a fierce storm came. The storm carried me away and then cast me down upon my bed. With the impact of falling, I awoke. I realized all this time I had been dreaming. In the morning I found I could recall the story in its entirety. On the second night as well I had the very same dream, and awoke in the same manner. This sequence of events started to repeat itself, and went on for more than twenty days. By repeatedly hearing it, the sannyásii’s mantra got committed to my memory.

Having the same dream for such a long time in one stretch, a feeling of desperate determination arose within me. I thought, every day the sannyásii raises his trident and threatens me. I however don’t seem able to do anything at all. This is quite shameful on my part. I resolved that if I had the dream tonight as well, then this time I would attack the dream-sannyásii. At night I again had the dream. One after another, the same sequence of events started to occur – but as soon as the sannyásii lifted his trident and said, “Speak! You must repeat it,” then I seized the trident from his hands, and taking aim, hurled it at him. Suddenly there was a clanging sound. I looked around… the sannyásii was nowhere to be seen. The trident had bounced off a stone Shiva image and fallen down. The clang was from this. It seemed the Shiva image was looking at me and laughing heartily. Out of shame I started sweating. My sleep broke.

Some days later came Shiva-Caturdashii.⁽²⁾ At that time most unmarried girls would fast on Shiva-Rátri in hope of getting a good groom. My elder sister would also do so. Hearing the story of my dreams, my household members told me as well to fast on Shiva-Rátri that year. I happily did so. In the evening when we went to the temple for worship, I suddenly recollected the mantra I had heard from the sannyásii, and began reciting it loudly. The priest asked, “My child, where did you learn this? It’s Lord Shiva’s dhyána mantra!”

[Author’s explanation:] Saḿskáraja svapna [Literally, “A dream arising from reactive momenta (saḿskára)”]

Footnotes

(1) For tending the fire in the pipe. –Trans.

(2) A festival to Lord Shiva held on the fourteenth day of the dark fortnight of the lunar month of Mágha (mid-January to mid-February). The period from sunset to sunrise is called Shiva-Rátri (The Night of Shiva). –Trans.