Once there was a Bengalee landowner who had a nephew by the name of Lota. The landowner was a proud man, and would go to any extent to prove his nobility to the world. One of his favourite techniques was to speak to his nephew in a mixture of Urdu and Bengali. He would often say, “Kháike pánii láike jábi ná”, which means, “Won’t you fetch some water?” Of course, he would only do this when there was someone within earshot.

The landowner had learnt his few Urdu words during a trip to Lucknow, in western India. He also picked up some of the manners and customs of Urdu speakers. Before returning home he extended an invitation to the nawab of Lucknow to visit Bengal, just to be polite. He never thought the nawab would one day honour the invitation.

Imagine his dilemma, then, when some time later he received a message from the nawab that he intended to visit Bengal. He immediately called his nephew. “Lota, my lumbago is really bad these days and I don’t think I’ll be able to go to the station to receive the nawab. Could you go for me?”

“If that’s your wish, uncle,” replied Lota, “I’ll be happy to oblige. But, you know, I don’t speak Urdu so how can I receive him properly?”

“Well, you don’t have to learn the entire Urdu language,” said the landowner. “All you have to do is add a few Urdu words to the end of your Bengali sentences. That’ll sound just like Urdu.”

“But I’m not familiar with the manners and etiquette of Urdu-speaking people. Can you please teach me something now?” asked Lota.

“Whenever you address an Urdu-speaking gentleman,” said the landowner, “be extremely humble and make him feel important. If he asks you how many princes⁽¹⁾ you have you should reply courteously, ‘Your Majesty, your servant has a mere three wretches.’ Do you understand?”

“It’s crystal-clear,” said Lota.

Lota went to the station to receive the nawab, who was called Malek Ulmul Nawab Ush-Shak-Ishakh Bahadur. In a first-class compartment he spotted a gentleman dressed in gorgeous clothes and immediately concluded that he was the nawab. “Are you His Excellency the nawab of Lucknow?” he asked in polite Urdu.

The nawab replied, equally politely, “No sir, I am not His Excellency the nawab.”

“Then may I know who you are?” asked Lota.

The nawab replied, “Myáṋy khák huṋ; myáṋy duniyáká khák huṋ; myáṋy savoṋke kadmoṋká khák huṋ; myáṋy khák, myáṋy khák, merá nám Iishák” [“I am dust. I am the lowest dust in the world. I am the dust of everyone’s feet. I am dust, I am dust, my name is Ishak”].

Lota was overwhelmed by the nawab’s modest yet poetic introduction. It was now his turn to show his mastery of Urdu language and etiquette.

“Who are you, sir?” the nawab asked Lota. “May I conclude you are the nephew of the respected landowner?”

“No, Your Excellency, I’m not the nephew of any landowner,” said Lota, remembering his uncle’s lesson.

“Then who are you, sir?” asked the nawab.

Lota replied, “Myáṋy chot́t́á huṋ. Myáṋy duniyáká chot́t́á huṋ; myáṋy ápká kadmoṋká chot́t́á huṋ. Myáṋy chot́t́á, myáṋy chot́t́á, merá nám Lot́á” [“I’m a cheat. I’m the worst cheat in the world. I’m a cheat at your feet. I’m a cheat, I’m a cheat, and my name is Lota”].⁽²⁾

The nawab had no further doubts about the aristocratic Urdu ancestry of the landowner and his family.

Footnotes

(1) [[Navávjádá – “children of a nawab”. This suggests that an Urdu-speaking gentleman will address any other Urdu-speaking gentleman as a nawab, whether the second one actually has that status or not. –Trans.]]

(2) [[To speak of oneself as dust could be an appropriate expression of humility according to Urdu conventions, but to speak of oneself as a chot́t́á, a cheat, which Lota does because he has understood that he should find a rhyme for “Lota”, is laughable. –Trans.]]