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VARIOUS MARRIAGE SYSTEMS
Vi – vah + ghaiṋ = viváha. The root verb vah means “to flow, to lead”. Viváha means “leading one’s life in a new way with a special type of responsibility” [in both Sanskrit and Bengali]. In the most correct Sanskrit, however, the word for “marriage” would be formed vi – úh. An alternative spelling is with u (not ú). Vyuh + kta = vyud́há (meaning “a married person”).(1)
An unmarried person remains somewhat free from responsibilities. As a result they get the chance to discharge some greater duties outside their small family. Even though they go outside the house for other work, it is not against anyone’s interests. Vyud́há means a “married person who shoulders a greater family responsibility and begins a new style of life.”(2)
Hence, when an unmarried girl or boy gets married, his or her life begins to flow down a different channel. Various responsibilities devolve on them. They can no longer afford to take their responsibilities lightly. Because of this, many of them become less generous than before. Sometimes a lot of haggling takes place over the ownership of petty things. In the absence of a developed conscience, many women may unconsciously break up the joint family after coming to their husband’s house. There used to be a social rule in Bengal that if a son or daughter-in-law was not already initiated into a spiritual way of life then arrangements should be made to do it immediately. I had the chance to observe in certain villages of Burdwan that if a new bride was not initiated, the in-laws were reluctant to accept food from her. They contended, “As our daughter-in-law is not initiated, the water offered by her is not pure.”
In Manu’s time, there were various marriage systems popular in India. Not only in India, throughout the world many different marriage systems were popular in many countries, but in no country was there a system of marriage prevalent that was strictly social [as opposed to religious]. In one place, the couple would go the Buddhist temple, do obeisances, light candles and thereafter be looked upon as married. In another place – that is, in particular parts of Nagaland – the boy and girl would elope for a few days and be considered married when they returned.
Conquering communities forcibly kidnapped the girls of the vanquished. This was considered an acceptable marriage. In the Asura marriage custom, the girls were forcibly abducted and then married. In some regions, the bridegroom would mark some vermilion on the head of the bride and offer cooked food to her. This ritual indicated he was taking responsibility for the food and clothes of the bride from then on. In some upper-caste families in the Hooghly and Burdwan Districts, the marriage is solemnized according to the scriptures, then the bridegroom offers saris and sweets to the bride, indicating that he accepts responsibility for the bride. We can infer from this that the religious aspect of the marriage was adopted afterwards. (In ancient times, marriages were recognized through offerings of clothes and food.)
In a certain village on the Burdwan-Manbhum border, I happened upon a marriage ceremony in a tribal family. The ceremony was quite simple. The bridegroom marked vermilion in the parting of the bride’s hair. The village headman came forward and told the bridegroom to repeat one vow: Yávajjiivanaḿ távat bhát-kápad́aḿ sváhá [“As long as I live I will provide you clothes and food”]. Then there was a feast with rice and pork. This was how social recognition was extended to the couple’s marriage.
Gandharva system: In the gandharva system, rings were exchanged between the bride and groom. The rings could be made of any metal, but usually they were made of gold, silver or copper. A gandharva marriage could be solemnized either in front of the community or in the absence of witnesses. That is, social approval was not necessary for this marriage. The main factor was the consent of the bride and groom.
Shaeva [Shaivite] system: Shaeva and Árśa [Vedic] marriage systems were quite popular in ancient India. Some of the aspects of those early customs have been included in popular modern customs. In the weddings of Bengali Hindus, some ethnic customs are followed. For instance, the marriage canopy is supported with plantain-tree stalks instead of bamboo, bel-fruit [“wood apples”] are used instead of coconuts, the bridegroom is beaten with thorny kula branches [a form of teasing by the sisters-in-law], scalded milk is spilt at the time a bride enters her new home, milk and red ochre is used to decorate the bride’s feet, and widows are excluded [from joining the celebrations].
(It seems that earlier on women’s rites were not included in the wedding. Such rituals came later when the desire to assume an Aryan veneer came in the Bengali mind.)
Bráhma system: Manu did not use Bráhma viváha in the same sense in which the Brahmo Samaj(3) system is solemnized these days. The present Brahmo Samaj originated during the British period, whereas Manu was born long ago. The Bráhma viváha was a particular type of marriage which was popular in Manu’s time. Manu advocated the custom of giving the daughter away dressed in costly ornaments and finery, although this custom is definitely degrading for women. They are reduced to the level of cows, goats, ducks and hens. What audacity do people have to give away their fellow human beings to others Are women shop goods to be bartered in the open market?
There was in ancient times a prolonged trade in human beings. Both men and women were taken to market for sale. Although this seems shameful today, it was a fact. Even during the early part of British rule the sale of men and women continued in Bengal to some extent. The last sale of a woman in Bengal was for seven rupees, and took place in the Jhalkathi Market in Bakharganj District.
This was what the slave trade in men and women was like. The citizens of “civilized” countries would purchase hard-working black men and women to be used as their servants and maids. The [earliest] buyers were the wealthy merchants of ancient Greece and Rome. Of course, India and various European countries did not lag behind in this regard!
It was a principal occupation of the Portuguese pirates to purchase women from eastern Bengal and sell them in western Bengal. Many of those sold women were accepted as daughters-in-law, especially where the custom existed of the groom’s family paying dowry.
I am constrained to say that although some people approve of it, the custom of giving away the bride in marriage is another form reminiscent of the ancient slave trade.(4) This custom degrades the prestige of women. Meanwhile, those who are taking dowry for their son’s marriage are, of course, indulging in the sale and purchase of their sons. In marriage ceremonies in Calcutta, there is a couplet the mother-in-law recites while encircling the bride with a thread:
Kaŕi diye kinlum daŕi diye bándhlum
Háte dilum máku ekbár bhyán kara to bápu?
[I purchase you with money. I bind you with a rope. I give you a spinning wheel. What do you say?]
Judged from the true import of the word viváha, none of the above marriage systems can be really called marriages in the social sense, if their individual and social values are considered.
Ananda Marga system: Now, the marriage system of Ananda Marga is a gandharva form of marriage as described by Manu, but it is solemnized publicly. That is to say, an Ananda Marga marriage is a socially-organized, socially-recognized marriage. In legal terms, it comes within the scope of the Hindu marriage law.(5) But we are not lawyers, we are breathing fresh life into humanity.
Footnotes
(1) Further linguistic information omitted at this point. –Trans.
(2) Further linguistic information omitted at this point. –Trans.
(3) A nineteenth century progressive Hindu movement in Bengal. –Trans.
(4) See second section of this chapter, Giving Away the Bride. –Trans.
(5) In India there are separate marriage laws for different religions. –Trans.